I. Am. Tired.
I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm angry. I'm burdened. My heart has been breaking over and over again for the attacks on men and women that look like me. We are told to love our neighbor, we are told to forgive, we are told that this battle belongs to God, we are told that the prayers of the righteous availeth much. But there is something about the justifiable anger that I am experiencing that make it really hard to love my neighbors. It makes it very hard to forgive. It makes it hard to even pray. I want to cry, scream, cuss, kick, distance myself, and so many other things. My heart, mind, and spirit are all over the place right now because I am sick of watching Black people being dying at the hands of privileged individuals and there not being justice.
I am angry that I have to worry about my brothers, nephews, cousins, friends, students, and coworkers. I am angry that I have to have tough conversations about how as a Black man you have to be mindful of your interactions with white people. I am angry that at the end of the day if a white ally decides to turn on them that their voice will be less likely to be heard. I am angry that I am terrified of having a Black son. The thought of it literally brings be to tears, because America HATES Black boys. I see it. I hear it. It is real. It is terrifying.
I am tired of white Christians that are shouting "have faith" with no action tied to it...knowing very well that faith without works is dead. I am tired of people who claim to be allies remaining silent. So silent, that they don't even reach out to their Black friends just to check on them after yet another collective trauma. We are hurting, we are not ok. I wonder if they even see us they way they claim to. I will say, I do see the allies that have spoken up and are finally taking a stand. I am appreciative of their sentiments, I am appreciative of their actions. Transparently, I wish that was enough to make me ignore those that are choosing to say and do absolutely nothing. I am tired of there being more outrage about not being able to eat at a steakhouse, than there is around the senseless killing of Black people. Black people who have done nothing but live in their Black skin.
I am thankful that God does not condemn my anger and that He give direction on what to do with this anger. I am thankful that He offers comfort to us all as we share in this collective grief. I am thankful that He sees and feels our pain. I am thankful that He does not expect us to sit idly during this time, and that there are people called to transform the justice system. I am hopeful for change. I am hopeful for recompense. I am hopeful for reparations and reconciliation. I am conflicted, because remaining an example and a light right now is hard.
Know that you can pray and still take a stand. Know that you can speak up and demand justice. Know that you don't have to be silent. Know that one thing stands true, everyone will reap what they sow. Know that your anger, pain, and fear are all justified. Know that we will all process this differently based on our own temperaments and convictions. Know that there will be Black people who just want to forgive and move on, and that's ok. Know that there will be Black people that refuse to rest until justice is served, and that's ok too.
One thing I need us all to do is protect our mental health. We must do whatever we need to make sure this trauma does not take us out! Unfollow. Sign out. Unplug. Pray. Worship. Write. Make calls. Rest. Our flesh and spirit are fighting right now. I know it, I feel it. We have to take care of us. We have to love ourselves. We have to love one another.
God Loves You
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