My 3rd week of social distancing. My sleep pattern is off. I am overwhelmed by tasks that are a part of my normal routine. I'm craving human interaction. My appetite has changed. I am experiencing things that others don't seem to notice. I think I am losing my mind.
I know God, and I trust God, so I am very aware of what is going on in the world right now in the spirit. So I am continuing with my routine, I am encouraging people, I am reading the word, I am spending time with God...kind of (more like squeezing it in). Except this is not my routine. I have not been in the physical presence of the people that I do life with in weeks. I had trips canceled, I have not left the state in months, I experienced a loss, the way I work is completely new. None of this is my routine. Not only is this not my routine, but I am struggling to find one. One minute I feel like I am doing too much, then I feel like I am not doing enough. I feel like I need to be fully present, then I feel like I need to recluse. If I know God to be my provider, sustainer, and my peace, why am I feeling so much anxiety?
My city was hit by a tornado, the COVID-19 pandemic transformed our world, and someone I love passed away. All of this was in a matter of one week! I experienced some major trauma! And instead of leaning into God during this time, I started to prepare. I started to plan. I started to work. My brain just on the go constantly, and not slowing down to lay it down. Anxiety crept into my heart when I stopped prioritizing my time with God. Instead of focusing on how I was going to support my teammates and scholars, instead of focusing on making sure I was stocked, instead of making sure I was encouraging those around me, I should have been leaning into God. God should have been the first to hear my concerns, because He cares. Prayer should have been my first posture, not just preparation. Worship should have been my first response, not worry. My spirit should have been what I was feeding, not just my gifts. I knew it all and still allowed myself to be consumed. But you know what...THAT'S OK!
God is not going to punish me for having a real human moment in a time of trauma. Trauma is a real thing that throws us out of wack a lot of the times and we do not always know how to handle that. So it is important that while anxiety and fear arises, that we address it head on. We must know that the Word of God is still relevant today and there is so much scripture that can help us. We must also know that there are Christ centered mental health professionals offering services right now to help us manage these feelings. So, what did I do? I began praying. I started a group devotional on anxiety that I found in the Bible App (one of my favorite resources). And I reached out to my employer about getting in touch with a counselor.
You can be saved, and still experience times where you need to get your mind back on track. If you feel like recent traumatic events are causing you to feel anxiety, depression, and unsafe, seek help. Seek God. Seek Wise Counsel. Seek Mental Health Services.
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