I am 1 in 10. I was 15 when I was formally diagnosed, but didn't take action until a decade later. Since it is PCOS Awareness Month, I wanted to share my journey of faith while battling this disorder.
I didn't fully understand what it meant to have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and honestly, I'm not sure my doctors did either. "Take this birth control and lose some weight." That was what they told me between ages 15 to 18. After multiple attempts at weight loss I stopped taking their petitions seriously. Since I was celibate in college birth control no longer made sense in my young mind, and again, the weight wouldn't come off. In fact, I gained quite a bit of weight. I figured that since I couldn't lose the weight, God was just going to heal me. I went to several altars, had hand laid on me, been prayed for, been prophesied to several times. I have even had prophets tell me that they could see the cysts drying up and God was healing me in that moment. Imagine being someone that joyfully served God, loved the Word, and loved serving His children, and still walking around unable to be healed. I was hurting so much, no one knew.
Fast forward to 26 and finally getting to a place where I understood more about the disorder, I figured it was time to take some serious action. Infertility is something often brought up when people explain the side effects or symptoms of PCOS. With the understanding that God promised me a family, and understanding that faith and work are a package deal, I started going to see some specialists. We talked about all the highs and lows that come with PCOS and started a treatment plan. This was the first time that I was sympathized with. They gave me assurance that I can have a healthy and happy life, including having my own healthy babies. I was so excited, I scheduled all the appointments, found a friend to join me on visits, and a community of people that could pray with me through this journey of a healthy and happy reproductive life. That feeling of excitement quickly changed.
Medications twice a day that made me very sick. Mood swings. Discomfort. Loss of appetite. All while trying to implement some exercise and dietary changes. Did I mention that I am still working full time with a smile on my face? The work doesn't stop and my kids deserve for me to show up daily. But I have to be honest, I have been feeling miserable. I haven't even felt like myself. While I know that God wants for me to have better overall health, I also know believe in my heart that spending the rest of my life on medication is not part of His plan for me. I ask my doctor how long she thinks I will have to take it and her response was not so comforting. I have cried out to God and asked why I had to experience this. Why does this have to run through my bloodline? Does this end with me? Is that why the battle is so hard? Why does it feel like I have to work for what you promised? So many tears, so many emotions. I still struggle to understand it. But one thing remains the same, I know that God is unchanging. I know that He has a plan and a purpose for my life. I also believe in Romans 8:28. This season in my life is not just for me, but for my faith.
I still believe that healing is my portion. I still believe that I will birth my own healthy children. I still believe that I am a generational curse breaker. I still believe that God has His hand on me and my situation. God is not a liar. His plans are not our plans, and his thoughts are not our thoughts. He may not come when we want Him, but He's always right on time. God is going to show up and blow my mind, and the minds of my doctors. My journey is going to bless someone and this pain is temporary. I want to encourage you today. Remember that nothing in your life happens by chance. God allows or doesn't allow every single part of your story. If you are someone battling an illness and struggling with your faith, know that we are already healed by His stripes. Know that God is a healer and a comforter. Know that God is with you in this journey. Know that will will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. You will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living, and if He made a promise to you, it shall be so! You battling this illness does not make you less worthy, less anointed, less gifted, or less qualified. Walk with your head held high knowing that your body has to come into agreement with the will of God. It gets better.
God Loves You!
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